Sage

Before long, my eldest daughter will start school and my youngest daughter will start nursery. It feels like a landmark. They're not babies anymore. I'm not suggesting that we've finished parenting, but I think I've probably dragged this blog out for as long as I can get away with now. So I'm going to stop it. But before I do, I'm going to indulge my enduring dream of spouting pretentious wisdom, under the guise of imparting profound advice to be enjoyed in the future by my daughters.

Oh, how useful what follows will inevitably be to them. And how impressed by me you'll all be in the meantime. You'll nod slowly and go, "Hmmm," reassured and somehow invigorated by how bloody sage I am.

Ahem. Anyway:

Nothing is simple

There is a natural inclination in all people to see things in black and white; to see them as being straightforward: easily defined and in obedience of simple rules. 'Easily' is the key word here: water naturally flows along the path of least resistance, and humans naturally want their lives - including the ways they think about things - to be easy. So we reduce the infinite complexities of things down to a set of rules we can stick to, in the hope that the world we live in will oblige us by sticking to the same rules.

This is all my own amateurish conjecture, by the way. I've got no proof of any of this. I'm basing it on a simplistic reduction of things down to a set of rules. So it's either a brazenly hypocritical paradox or ironic genius.

The trouble arises when the world around us doesn't oblige, because it's not as straightforward as we want it to be. This creates insecurity, tension and conflict. Some people are so invested in their blinkered views that they get really angry when the subjects of their assumptions contradict them. This is why people whose assumption that their race is superior to another is brought into question overcompensate by treating the other race with violent or oppressive disdain. It's why companies with a lot of money invested in exhausting fossil fuels or producing carbon emissions spend a lot of money denying the existence of climate change, and on irresponsibly convincing others of this denial. And it's why people who have taken for granted their right to a comfortable existence are happy to watch their government scapegoat the most vulnerable members of their society when their economic wellbeing is under threat.

There is little you can do to prevent these tendencies in others. But you can do your bit by always thinking critically; always questioning your assumptions and being prepared to adapt them. This is easier if you avoid investing too much in your assumptions, financially, emotionally or otherwise. Stay on your toes. You may even find that others will be inspired to follow your lead. but most of them probably won't. Life's not that simple.


Nobody really knows what they're doing

Sometimes I get a bit down. Like a lot of people, I let things like self-doubt, paranoia and pride cause me to question my self worth, in relation to my perception of the worth of people around me. So, basically, I see other people as being really good at stuff and it makes me feel like I'm really bad at stuff in comparison. On particularly bad days, this perception is magnified to the point where I feel isolated in a psychological mire of incompetence. I'm the only one in my mire; all the other people are safely stationed on solid, self-assured terrain, getting on happily with their easy lives. And it makes me feel quite unimpressed with myself. It makes me sad.

But here's the thing: on good days I can tell that most other people have bad days too. Pretty much everyone gets a go in the mire. But there's an unspoken convention that you have to guard this fact from discovery; you must - according to this convention - always appear self-assured; you must never let anyone know you're anything but confident; you must let them feel isolated in their own, pathetic mire.

And it strikes me that this is silly. Because we're all left feeling isolated by an insecurity we all feel.

I hope you never have a bad day. But, realistically, you probably will. And when you do, be honest about it. It might help someone else who's having a bad day to feel better. And remember that, no matter how it might seem, you're not the only one. It might help you to feel better.

Nothing is really that important

You are one of over 7 billion people on the planet; one of eight or nine planets in the solar system (depending on how you feel about Pluto), the star at the centre of which is one of an estimated 400 billion in our galaxy, the Milky Way. The Milky Way, in turn, is one of around 170 billion galaxies in the observable universe. And don't forget that there might be an infinite number of universes.

So, in the grand scheme of things. that spot on the end of your nose doesn't matter as much as it might seem to. Try not to worry unduly about the petty squabble you had with your friend yesterday, or the latest Arsenal score*.

If all of this sounds a bit depressing, then you have misunderstood me. Or rather, I have failed to explain my point properly. When I feel stressed or anxious about something, I find nothing more comforting than the sense of perspective I gain from the thought process outlined above. Nothing quite takes the pressure off like an awareness of how utterly insignificant you are.

Just do what you want, really

So far, we have established that there are no rules, that even if there were nobody really knows what they are, and that even if they did it wouldn't really matter anyway. The logical conclusion of all this is that you should feel liberated to trust your own judgement in acting pretty much as you please. The caveat is that your judgement has to be good, and tempered by the knowledge that you may at any moment be forced to change the assumptions upon which your judgement is based. So tread carefully with this, and be realistic about consequences. But consequence is not the same thing as prohibition.

So if, for example, your boss at work asks you to do something you don't want to, then you simply do not have to do it. But keep in mind that you might lose your job. That might be okay, but if, say, you have children dependent on your income, this increases your moral incentive to keep your job. But it is still your decision. Basically we're talking about free will, here. It's up to you whether your reluctance to perform your boss' task outweighs the necessity to feed your children, although personally I'd go for the more conventional response to that dilemma.

Which brings me onto the second caveat: don't cause harm to other people in the course of doing what you want. Apart from being a basic tenet of being a decent person, this principle has more pragmatic applications too, which relate to my final suggestion...

Be nice

Bit of controversy here: I don't believe that altruism is necessary to a peaceful society. For the same reason that a state which distributed assets and services fairly would have no need for philanthropy, people shouldn't need to make any leap of faith - spiritual or otherwise - to be convinced of the need to treat other people well.

Rather, my slightly cynical interpretation of human nature leads me to the conclusion that people are more likely to do something for you if you do something for them. I describe this as cynicism but, actually, I don't think it's anything to be ashamed of. It's really just bartering, and I can't help feeling that if everybody saw the world this way then greed and selfishness would quickly become a lot less profitable.

If you do feel compelled to help others out of the goodness of your heart, then well done. Carry on. But in the more likely event that - as a human - you don't, help others because it serves your ego to be thought of as someone who helps others, or because it comforts you to know that you've increased the likelihood of them helping you in the future. The person you help will still have been helped, whatever your motive.

For example: if I'm brutally honest, I've shared all this profound advice with you mainly in the hope that others will nod slowly and go, "Hmmm," reassured and somehow invigorated by how bloody sage I am. But that doesn't mean it's not profound advice.

Thanks for listening.

*Actually, the latest Arsenal score is one of the most important things in the universe. But this is the exception that proves the rule.