A tale of two hospitals

We went for our twelve week scan last week. It wasn't until afterwards that my wife and I revealed to each other that we had each independently allowed paranoia to get the better of us, and had expected something untoward to be revealed. I suppose this fear was a residual effect of the miscarriage we once suffered. Even the successful birth of our most excellent daughter couldn't quite banish that demon.

But we needn't have worried. As far as it is possible to tell at this early stage, all is well with our next project. He or she is a relatively ordinary size and shape, and is also a wriggler. My wife reflected that this does not bode well for our hopes of a calm, gentle baby to contrast with our daughter. But we'll settle for another healthy but energetic one.

What was interesting about our latest scanny adventure was the contrast it demonstrated between the two hospitals we have graced in search of sonography. You may not know or recall that we moved house half way through our daughter's gestation. So - although she was born at our current health emporium - the early medical attention with which we are now being reacquainted took place at a different venue.

The prior experience was one of long waits in vast (yet somehow still stuffy) waiting rooms, which rendered appointment times a ridiculous notion, as one's patience was tested to the limit before being rewarded with the attention of a delightful and attentive team of sonographers and assorted helpers. They really seemed to care. Admittedly this may have been why everyone's appointment overran.

Our new hospital adopts a contrasting ideology. You, the expecting, are but cattle, to be efficiently herded from one corridor to the next in a ruthless system which spares nobody in its merciless pursuit of timely box-ticking. My wife was duly provided with a scan, several forms to fill in (quickly), a blood test and at least two conversations with a terrifying but deceptively witty receptionist, who seems to have perfected a kind of Jack-Dee-of-administration persona. And we were in and out in about twenty minutes.

I can see the merits of both systems. One can't underestimate the benefit of feeling cared for but, in principle, surely it's better to help as many people as possible than to make a few people feel really good about themselves? I suppose, ideally, hospitals would achieve both. But that would require more staff, and there doesn't seem to be much money about at the moment, so we'll resign ourselves to being herded through the next six months.

Sister act 2

And now, as advertised, further musings upon the areas in which my daughter shows early signs of big sister prowess:

Generosity

From the first time we allowed our daughter to handle her own food, she has demonstrated a quite touching inclination to share it. She simply will not let any rusk, carrot stick or blueberry pass her lips until she has successfully offered it to whichever person initially provided her with the morsel in question. To see this person nibble (or quite convincingly pretend to) upon her snack fills our daughter with glee.

This instinctive generosity is an adorable and highly commendable trait, and one which should ensure that she will always do her utmost to provide for her sibling, as well as setting him or her an excellent example.

Of course it could be that our daughter suspects my wife and I of attempting to poison her, and is simply taking the sensible precaution of having us taste her food first to attest to its safety. I should stress that - inadvertent egg crises aside - we have never poisoned her. Nevertheless, the self preservation instinct implied by this theory is also a very useful characteristic in a sister.

Coolness

I can honestly say that my proudest achievement as a father came only about a week ago, when I taught my daughter to high-five. Oh yes. I need only hold my outstretched palm near her, and her little mit slaps satisfyingly away at it, spreading contagious joy across the faces of all present. Anybody who has ever been anywhere near the 1980s will know that there is no greater indication of whether a person is cool, or perhaps rad, or bodacious.

Thus, I can now claim indisputably that my daughter is worthy of all of these adjectives. And this, above all else, will cement her position as trusted life mentor in the eyes of her younger brother or sister.

Abrupt Ending 2

I don't have to go to work today. But I can't think of any more examples. Which is not to say that there are none. But that is all for now.

Sister act

As I observe and interact with my daughter, I cannot now help but look for indications of how she will fare as a big sister. Our first scan of Child Number Two in Terms of Chronology but Certainly Not Preference is due to take place next week. We may or may not then discover whether our daughter will be the big sister of a little sister or a little brother. Depending upon your attitude towards gender stereotypes you may feel that this is a crucial factor in determining the older sibling role, but there are some generally useful characteristics for which we can already be on the lookout.

Presence

My wife and I are often moved to accuse our daughter of bullying us. Since minute one she has been big for her age, and this size is increasingly attributable to muscle rather than fat. Whilst we do our utmost to be consistent in calmly admonishing bad behaviour and celebrating good behaviour, inevitably our daughter still has an inclination to do things we would rather she did not. In these instances any attempt at gentle restraint usually ends in our daughter causing injury to the restrainer. For example, my effort to prevent her from diving off the edge of our bed this morning was successful, but only at the cost of a bitten leg for me. And don't get me started on the tugs of war over the TV remote.

How does all of this relate to her potential as a big sister? Well, I envisage that this physical and psychological relentlessness will help her to fulfill the protective older sibling role more traditionally taken on by a big brother. Our new addition will never have a big brother, so I am grateful for the prospect of our daughter transcending the stereotype in this manner, for there is no messing with her, and surely never will be. The very best protagonists in this role achieve results through their potential for action alone. In football, this quality is known amongst top defenders as presence.

Independent Responsibility

This morning, when my wife retrieved our daughter from her bedroom, she found the little lady stood in her cot, turning her bedroom light on and off, having somehow removed herself from her sleeping bag (which we use - as is practical as well as fashionable - in lieu of a duvet for her). She had also cleared her cot of all toys. In short, our daughter had got herself up. Admittedly we still had to brush her teeth, but I was much older than one year before I started doing that voluntarily.

I choose to see this behaviour as encouraging evidence of our daughter's responsible nature. As such I confidently look forward to the day when she relieves my wife and I of parental responsibilities, offering to change all of her brother or sister's nappies and clean up after their meals. This will be nice.

Entertainment

Crucial to a good relationship between our daughter and her sibling is the elder partner's capacity to attract the attention of the younger by being suitably entertaining. My wife and I have never been in any doubt as to the quality of her personality. She makes my wife laugh a lot more than I do, and I'm really funny. Just this week our daughter has added to her considerable repertoire by perfecting the piggy grunt style noise of which she herself was so fond in her early months. She has also already mastered the Amazing Tongue Circus which I fine-tuned, to the unanimous amazement of my friends and acquaintances, at about 17.

I am confident that she will be of interest and inspiration to her protege.

Conversation

The sentences our daughter utters, although apparently still nonsensical to our naive ears, are increasing daily in both frequency and the proportion and variety of consonants they contain. By the time she is a big sister I have no doubt that she will be a walking, talking Oxford English Dictionary, from which her sibling will learn, as common wisdom suggests that younger children do. Having another little person from whom they copy their early habits and activities gives them a head start in learning the best of these, or so goes the theory. Our younger one will be learning from the best.

Abrupt Ending

There are more, but I have to go to work. I can't wait until my children relieve me of that responsibility.